I want to thank the woman in my life for who I am…my mother.
You have made me to the most aware of what life is…
you taught me to see, to plan, to know colors and love design…
alternative life styles and a love of the differences in the world that make it so wonderful.
Allowing me to experiment with things while under your deep watch.
Letting me try things that may or may not have been the right thing, or thought through…
so that I would learn the truth there in.
You have been the most astounding example of wonderful motherhood,
successful womanhood and a trail blazer crossing the color line
and marrying a black man when it was still illegal in the U.S.
You accepted my decisions even though I didn’t think hard enough to have come up with the final ideal,
but to learn from stubbing my toes enough to take the right path,
including those around the world that led me to where I am happily today.
No fear of solitary time, no pressure when it’s time to accept major responsibilities,
no serious discipline when I made the wrong turn,
because you knew in the end I’d appreciate the reasons why and understand
how to not redo in the future the same mistakes.
And to give thanks for the right paths I did take.
I love you and am you.
Your gentleness saved me from the punishment belt,
your guidance took me off the typical path,
your creativity led me to the arts,
your bravery allowed me to dive into the deep end and learn first hand.
Your trust gave me the confidence to take the road less traveled
that led me to a life of success, joy and happiness and centeredness.
My presence makes you happy,
you smile and tell me dozens of times a day that you love me.
We kiss 50 times a day.
I have watched you everyday that I’m here in California
and yesterday was a turning point.
I have been stoic these past weeks.
Bringing in special food, telling you stories,
making you remember past times.
But the emotional rug has been pulled out from under me.
I’m in a place I never envisioned.
Life without you.
Of course we all know that given life
we are given the understanding that this would not last forever.
But to go through it face to face with the one you love
and the one who has loved you unconditionally is unbelievably heartbreaking.
And today it’s worse.
Weeks ago you could walk and sometimes feed herself.
Now all that’s finished.
Your voice is all but gone,
your eyes don’t seem to see what’s in front of you
but call to your mother as if she’s at the foot of the bed.
You ask me if you can go.
The doctor said to tell you that you could go,
because you are holding on for me and Leslee.
I’m telling you even though you are sleeping that you can go…
I want you to know what an amazing woman you are….
Being without you is something I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around.
I’m a senior citizen and lucky to have had you for more than my 60 years.
The blessing is that I had you way longer than I will be without you.